Swimming Lessons

This past weekend, I learned a valuable lesson about parenting, coaching, leadership, and communication.

Ironically, the lesson came from watching my two sons learn how to swim.

As summer approaches, I have been pushing my boys, Jaden and Aiden, to learn how to swim. From my perspective, there were no excuses. The weather was warm, I had time to spend with them, and we had a convenient community pool right outside our door.

Everything seemed perfectly aligned.

So, from Friday through Sunday*, I got them into the pool every day.

Friday was simple. The goal was to get comfortable in the water again and not drown since it had been a while.

Saturday was a mix of learning and play. We spent a few minutes practicing some basic swimming techniques I showed them, but most of the time was spent being kids — playing with water guns, floating around, and enjoying the hot tub. Not much progress in my view for Saturday. That evening, I demanded that they watch a couple of beginner swimming lessons on YouTube.

As the instructor on YouTube explained how to float, breathe, and move through the water, Aiden listened carefully. He watched every detail and asked thoughtful questions.

“Dad, am I doing it right?” he asked.

When the video ended, he looked at me and said, “Can we try this tomorrow at the pool?”

Jaden, on the other hand, responded differently.

“I already know how to breathe,” he declared confidently. “I know everything. I know how to stay afloat and get air without touching the bottom.”

I immediately felt annoyed. To me, it sounded like his usual know-it-all attitude. I lectured him about listening, learning, and not assuming he already knew how to swim. Looking back, I realize I was listening to his words but not trying to understand his intention.

The next day would prove how wrong I was.

Sunday arrived.

As soon as we got to the pool, the boys moved toward the water independently. There were plenty of distractions — other kids playing, splashing, and having fun but I didn’t pressure them to perform. I didn’t ask them to demonstrate what they had learned from the videos.

I simply let them be.

A few minutes later, I heard them shouting.

“Dad! Look!”

I walked over to the edge of the pool. Then I saw something that genuinely surprised me.

Both boys put their faces into the water, floated, paddled forward, lifted their heads to breathe, and continued swimming without standing up.

They were doing it. They were floating. They were swimming. They were breathing correctly.

I stood there amazed.

Somehow, between a few minutes of instruction, a couple of YouTube videos, and a night of processing on their own, they had figured it out.

I was incredibly proud of them. But what impacted me even more was what I learned from watching them.

As a parent, coach, and leader, I often feel responsible for providing all the answers. I want to guide every step, correct every mistake, and ensure success.

This weekend reminded me that growth doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes people need guidance.

Sometimes they need encouragement.

And sometimes they simply need space.

The breakthrough happened not because I explained more. It happened because they had time to absorb, experiment, and apply what they had learned.

I also noticed something interesting afterward.

Jaden had become a stronger swimmer. Naturally, he started helping Aiden.

I expected him to coach his younger brother extensively. Instead, he spent only a couple of minutes sharing a few tips before letting Aiden figure things out for himself.

That observation reinforced another lesson:

Everyone learns differently. Some people learn by listening. Some learn by watching. Some learn by doing. Some need encouragement. Others need independence.

The role of a coach, parent, or leader is not to force everyone into the same learning style. The role is to create an environment where learning can happen.

Reflecting on the experience, I realized there is a simple framework from John C. Maxwell’s book that applies to parenting, leadership, coaching, and teaching (Source: 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell):

1. Show them and talk about it.

2. Do it with them and talk about it.

3. Let them do it and talk about it.

4. Let them teach someone else and talk about it.

At a higher level, every growth journey seems to require three phases:

1. Get comfortable and enjoy the experience.

2. Receive short, clear, actionable guidance.

3. Have the space and time to apply it independently.

Then celebrate the results and adjust as needed.

Perhaps the most important lesson came from my interaction with Jaden.

I initially interpreted his confidence as arrogance.

What if he wasn’t being arrogant at all?

What if he was simply expressing confidence in what he had already practiced mentally?

What if he was telling me, in the best way he knew how, “Dad, I think I understand. I just need time to try it.”

That realization reminded me that people do not always communicate their feelings and intentions perfectly.

Words matter, but intentions matter too.

As leaders, parents, and coaches, we must learn to ask ourselves two questions:

What state of mind am I in when I receive this message?

What feeling or intention is the other person trying to communicate?

The answer to both questions begins with curiosity.

· Not curious to judge.

· Not curious to correct.

· Not curious to give advice.

· Just be curious to understand.

This weekend, my sons learned how to swim.

But I learned something even more valuable.

Sometimes the best way to help people grow is not to push harder. It’s to teach, trust, and give them room to discover what they are already capable of becoming.

Lesson Summary:

Phase 1: Comfort

• Create safety.

• Build enjoyment and trust.

• Remove fear.

Phase 2: Guidance

• Keep instruction short, clear, and actionable.

• Demonstrate the skill.

• Allow different learning styles.

Phase 3: Application

• Step back.

• Give space and time.

• Let effort and experience become the teacher.

Phase 4: Multiplication

• Have them teach others.

• Reflect on lessons learned.

• Reinforce growth through sharing.

*The 3 days (Friday — sinking, Saturday — no progress and Sunday — float), how is this aligned with the 3 days being referenced in the Bible?